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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
The word bed looks like a bed.
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..