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Home is where the pants aren`t.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist