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Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.