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Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.