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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
The black sheep always have the best stories.
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.