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That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I`d be like cool I`m going home to eat.
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
Looking forward to `Breaking Bad` merchandise. Especially the cook book.
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”