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I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?