Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.