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the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.