Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln`s last Tweet.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
Wait,,,, What does it mean when my bride uses air quotes during the vows???
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
I don`t get why girls get so offended by sexist jokes..I think they are just ovary-acting. Seriously..
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.