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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of
I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It`s people I don`t trust.