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"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
What`s it called when it`s 9:20am and you can`t wait for dinner? Oh, it`s called fat. Nevermind.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....