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I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.