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So many rules; so little time to break them.
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.