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Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...