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Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
Ever talk to someone so stupid they make you squint?
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.