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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
I`m amazed at the mileage my car is getting. I`m still running off the same tank of gas I bought last year!
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
I had to explain the Goonies today... so I`m feeling super old and bitter.
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.