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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Everyone around me keeps telling me I`m mean ... Which is absurd ... Plus, they`re ugly.
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.