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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?