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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.