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Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
What’s the answer to this question?
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
I hear voices ... and they don`t like you.
He who laughs last didn´t get it.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.
A guy had his whole left side torn off, the doctor said he`s all right.