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You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I’d pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, “Keep the change you filthy animal.”
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
Sorry I said "You`ll Do" instead of "I Do" at our wedding.
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was `pearl necklace` .. And then I ruined family time...
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?
If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
Dear Lord, Thanks for making me funny. Especially since you didn`t give me much else to work with.