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My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360