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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.