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The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
??q? uo p??oq??? ? ?nq i ??i? ?s?? ??? si si??
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.