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I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can`t dance.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.
Scientists are saying that social media is making us less accepting and more aggressive. Whatever, a$$holes!
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?