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My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up
If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
In about 20 years, that cherry tattoo on your cleavage is gonna look like a pair of raisins and that butterfly you got tatted on back is gonna look like a moth.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here