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Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.