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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
Some of my best memories are naps.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
The guy who used to proofread Hitler`s speeches was the first grammar Nazi.
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.