Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...