Daily Silly Status

Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.

I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.

How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?

A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing

I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?

Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me

I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..

Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.

Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?

I tried to be a Rap Singer once. Sadly my rap album, `I Respect the Police & the Risks They Take to Keep My Community Safe`, didn`t do too well on iTunes.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!

Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!

You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...

I`m in no shape to exercise patience!