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I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
Sometime you have to hand it to short people ... because they can`t reach.
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it is located
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
I wish the minutes after hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.
Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
The voices in my head are not real, but they have good ideas.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.