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SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
When I grow up I´d like to be a "Retired Lottery Winner."
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
I don`t think the guy below me understands how this works.
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"