Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
About to stick a pin in your voodoo doll.... Brace yourself.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.