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Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
You know you can`t say "happiness" without saying "p*nis"
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.