Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?