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I believe in love at first episode.
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”