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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.