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Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it.
Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along.
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
I want it all and I want it delivered.
dont love..dont hurt...keep doing flirt..:)
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.