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I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
I`ve been having really bad headaches lately. The doctor said they were all in my head.
Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.