Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
Helpful tip #12: Never buy all the tools you need to kidnap, kill and bury someone from just one store.
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.