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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
Porn teaches kids an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.