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Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, where in hell did he get that idea?
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.