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If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
I just broke my record for most days lived.
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.