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Cannibals don`t drink coffee ... They have a cup of Joe instead.
My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
Dog Found: Now we are bros, so he`s staying. Don`t call, don`t make it weird.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
?"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Dyslexic Santa
Got tasered at speed dating again.
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.