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Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That`s the last time we`re playing Monopoly.
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.