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Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside