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The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
I`m a responsible person. People are always saying "I know you`re responsible for this."
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.