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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.