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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
The ski racks on my car say I’m fun, adventurous, and can’t figure out how to take the ski racks off my car.
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
Got tasered at speed dating again.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!