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I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
Man, that .01% of germs that can´t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad a$$ sh!t
It`s like my bank account doesn`t understand me at all.
I don`t know why people say life is short....this seems to be taking forever.
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.