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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.